Walk On

I'm going through one of those periods where I begin to be able to think and feel in a way that seems 'normal' to me.  I realize that it has been more than two months since I've been able to function at all - December and January seem like some sort of nightmare beyond the edge of fog.  

I have so much to catch up on.  I have nearly 300 unread emails.  I haven't read more than a paragraph or so at a time in months. I've gone weeks at a time without leaving the house.  Oddly enough, times like this when I recover strength and capacity to think are some of the toughest.  I don't know what to do first. I don't know if I should pace myself so as to not get tired or if I should just get as much done as possible before the next wave of illness hits me. What's more, I have to fight off fear of the impending possibility of the next wave that hits as well as the inevitable despair of realizing that months of my life just vanished into meaninglessness. 

Despite it all, I hear the voice of God encouraging me, "Walk on." I realize more and more that simply walking and bearing witness is not the bare minimum of faithfulness, but done faithfully is the maximum.

What Is Hope?

Today I am grateful that God has given me the strength to take walks the past few days.  It had been a couple of months, which was starting to really get me down.  

I am doubly grateful today as while walking I believe that I heard and felt God's presence and voice.  God guided me in meditating on true hope v. false confidence and on thinking about the false self we show on the outside v. the true work God is doing within us inwardly.  

I came to this thought about hope which may be helpful or may just be bunk, I think time will tell.  "Hope is living confidently within the sphere of power and authority of one who loves you."  

Grace and peace with all of you.